Confusion · and · Emotions

I feel like I've been missing so many things. I've become so closed off from everyone that it's becoming a bit depressing. I don't really hang out with people outside of Nate and Paul and ocassionally Steve and Mike; but I have no girlfriends, no one I can cut loose with and laugh myself silly with. *sighs*

I did a 3.1 mile walk yesterday. I was proud of myself. Thought for sure I was going to just fall over after mile 2, but I bounced back. Now I just have to do that every day. I want to change so much, and I've decided this will be the starting point. I need to be more motivated, and do more to make myself happy and help myself to be better. I think I need to go back to school, get my masters. Definately need to get my CCNA. I just wish I could get help with it, or have more support. I know my parents want me to go back and better myself, but it seems like Nate just isn't behind me; like he finds it silly, or that it'll ruin his plans.. *shrugs* I dunno what to think anymore.

I feel like I'm questioning everything right now about my life. I know I can't move out because of student loans and my car loan, and I know I will go no where at my job, but I'm afraid to try anything else because I don't think there is anything better out there right now. I'm itching for Brandy to come, I miss her so much it almost hurts.. it's been over two years since I'm seen her and I can't wait to just have her around, even if it's only for a little while. I think it'll be refreshing to have her around. She always knows how to make me smile and we always manage to have fun, even when we're doing nothing.

Well, I guess I should get back to work.